I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
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When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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