I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize