like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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