You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
