She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
