You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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