Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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