just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
bring money and cleavage
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
