I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
