i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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