Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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