one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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