"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
