Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize