I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
