i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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