This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
