I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
