im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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