I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
