the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
