haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
