I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
