But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
