At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
