I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
