And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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