so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
