I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
