Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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