She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sobbing to NWA
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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