but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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