There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
