I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
