Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
