so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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