You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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