my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
