So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
