Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
