Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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