well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize