the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
