He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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