Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
