One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
