She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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