Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
