The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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