Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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