I think my vagina is haunted
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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