We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
