You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
