Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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