I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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