This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
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Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
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I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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