singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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