the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
