Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
