just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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