it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
