Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
