I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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