took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
