It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
