i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
