Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
