weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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