Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
