Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize