No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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