i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
