I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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